the grass is always greener...blah blah blah

*Caution* the following passage is a rant posted by tired and irritable mommy, probably I'm being more dramatic than I should be. All is well.

Some days I miss Utah SOOO much, and on the other days I miss Utah a lot! I miss the close knit neighborhood. I miss the fun activities we always did with the kids that cost very little or nothing at all. I miss my kids running outside to play with all their many friends. I miss that, for the most part Mikayla's friends didn't have a problem with Mariah tagging along or hangin around and visa versa. Here, Mariah is never included, much to my dismay! I miss that my kids could walk to Walgreens or the library, or gas station, taco time, and ANY of their friends houses. I ask myself every day "what have I done?" It rips me apart thinking about how I have upset their lives. I want to go home, but I've not yet seen or done anything here to even be able to say "it was worth it." My kids used to play together, not anymore. It breaks my heart when my kids say they are bored and when I tell them to go play, they ask "with who? all my friends are in Utah" I have suggested that they look for friends inside their own home, but they can't stop fighting long enough to look. They may never forgive me for what I have done, and I know they cannot understand the [weak] reason I had for doing it.

I pray that Dolan can get to the position he really wants with Costco. Maybe then, we could go home. He is so wishy washy on the subject, one day he wants to go home and the next he is never gonna leave here. Ya know, just before he got the job, I was completely content and happy with my life and felt like it couldn't get any better than it was. I was right. Maybe it took moving 2000 miles away from friends and family to realize just how good I had it. Don't get me wrong, I mean I have met wonderful people and feel like I [personally] have made many new friends. So for me it would be kind of hard to leave, but when I think of how happy my kids would be to go home it makes me want to get in the car and head West and never look back. My sister tried to warn me that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" but I wouldn't listen. So, for now I will push on, and maybe when I can stop dumping 100's of dollars into gas for my van (to drive Mikayla's butt around) I can save up enough to get us home for a visit. Maybe we should go while it is snowing so that I will actually return to Georgia. So maybe June? hehe :)